


hand in hand

by dinEli



Category: Vampire Diaries (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Friendship/Love, Some Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-08
Updated: 2014-04-08
Packaged: 2018-01-18 14:31:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,473
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1431973
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dinEli/pseuds/dinEli
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>AU- In which Stefan's losing his mind and Caroline's by his side.</p>
            </blockquote>





	hand in hand

**Author's Note:**

> Ok, so- I must say it's really hard for me to post this. Normally, I just write something, spend from a few hours to weeks re-reading it and correcting it till I'm so sick of what I've written I hAVE to post it. With this, the insecurity is completly different. I lOVE Steroline, so much. And I have all this crazy and fluffy and weird ideas surrounding their relationship; this one you'll read (if you're not bored yet lol) is the weirdest. It's not canon, which is something so far from what I usually write I'm- (so-nervous-about-it). So, here's the explanation behind it: Stefan's being haunted by the memories of all the Silas-doppelgangers. Something goes off with the link, and he, being the last one, is bombed with thoughts and feelings of others. He feels like he's going crazy, and runs away to hide inside the ruins of the old Salvatore mansion. Then Caroline finds him.
> 
> *deep breath* Let's do this :)

 

There he was, sit by the stairs of that old-ruined-stone mansion, head in hands, breathing heavily. She stopped at what probably used to be the entrance to their garden. He looked so small.  
  
Hiding from the world.  
  
She wondered if that was Stefan, or Tom, or whomever else was hosting his mind.  
  
All of them, trapped together, mixing and confusing his feelings, his memories. Maybe coming back here was all he could do to not vanish at all.  
  
Swallowing hard, she walked towards him.  
  
Sat by his side, slowly. Looked around them, the dark night only her vampire-vision could see through, the wild forest, some stones from the mansion, and Stefan.  
  
He had noticed she was there, too. Yet he kept his head low, as if embarrassed of being found, of being broken. Weak.  
  
_Oh._  
  
Gently, she put her right hand on the back of his neck, and caressed it, like her mother used to, up to the back of his head, her fingers through his hair. He let himself be pulled slowly towards her, the left side of his face resting on her lap. She then hugged what she could of him, it was so cold out there. His hands, that she held against her heart, blowing at them as if her breath was fire, were so cold it was a wonder he could still move them.  
  
There they stood. Stefan holding back silent tears on Caroline's lap, while she cuddled him the best way she could, sit on those stone-cold stairs.  
  
She didn't know whether he was crying for himself or for the others.  
  
"You shouldn't be here", he said, a few minutes later. His voice so tiny amongst the sounds the forest made.  
  
She blew a few more breaths into his hands.  
  
"Where else would I be?" seemed like a proper answer.  
  
"Living your life. Having fun. With friends. Studying. I don't know. Not here. This place is dead", his face turned to look up at hers. "You're alive."  
  
His face was wet, and when she touched it, forehead, nose (he closed his eyes, swallowed), cheeks, mouth, down to his chin, it was all so cold.  
She kissed his forehead. His skin burned.  
  
"And aren't you?"

 

* * *

  
  
She could see he was struggling with the others. Clambering from the depths of his mind so he could still keep some of himself. Some of his sanity. He looked away from her, face still red, eyes so full of emotion they were brighter than ever. It was all there. The good, the bad. She knew she was the one the good were coming from.  
  
She caressed his hair again with her right hand. He took her left, held it.  
  
"I don't want to burden you, Caroline."  
  
She played with his ear, held a sad smile to herself.  
  
"So don't. Just shut up and let me mom you."  
  
A glint. There it was. Just a glint. Good one. The side of his face bent, a small dimple appeared. It filled her heart.  
  
Another moment of silence. His hands were warmer, and he kept looking away every time his eyes let out a tear.  
  
She could tell the happy from the sad ones, though.  
  
"Is this how it's always going to be?"  
  
The question surprised her. It sounded like a child-ish desire, but she knew it was an adult concern.  
  
She wasn't thinking about "always" at the moment. But she had, before.  
  
The thought of living forever scared her. Of not having a finish line. She obviously knew she would die someday, somehow; they weren’t completely immortal. But she also knew she had such a long life ahead of her she couldn’t even make sense of it.  
  
Would Stefan be the one she wanted to share this almost infinite life with?  
  
Her heart skipped a beat, which would mean a big “yes” if it weren’t for the truth reason behind his question.  
  
Would this mentally-unstable-fighting-day-after-day-to-keep-his-sanity-Stefan be the one she wanted to share this almost infinite life with?  
  
She sighed.  
  
The odds were that he was never going to be alone inside his mind. That he was never going to have a moment of peace. That he was never going to relax beside her, just be Stefan while she would just be Caroline. Like they’ve always been.  
  
Even in that calm moment they were sharing, with his thumb caressing the back of her hand, while the other made sure his were warm, he wasn’t at peace, he was striving.  
  
_But isn’t that just life?_ , she asked herself. Hasn’t he spent his one hundred and sixty-something years striving? Sometimes he lost, some he won. And for that, he needed someone by his side.  
  
He was just a boy, he couldn’t make it on his own.  
  
Yes, her body hurt from sitting on a stone, and her sides were all frozen, and she was scared to death someone else's memories would take Stefan's mind for good, and her heart broke whenever she looked at his small posture. But, honestly, if he was cold and desolated, how could she not give him her embrace?  
  
How could she react any different?  
  
He kept drawing circles on the hand he was holding, his hair went through her fingers like breeze, and his eyes reflected the stars above.

  
She opened the tiniest smile to him, her pupils growing even larger with love. And said it: "Yes."  
  
Then wiped two lonely tears that fell from his eye. Felt the weight of her decision fill her lungs.  
  
Breathed.  
  
He fiddled with her fingers. Realizing what her answer meant, the responsibility she was taking.  
  
His voice was strong and serious when he asked, "What if I'm not myself anymore tomorrow?"  
  
The newly-fallen tears made his face colder, and his free hand, resting on his chest, trembled slightly. She took it.  
  
"I'll wait till you're you again."  
  
Stefan's eyes were hard as the stone she was sit on when he spoke again. "Don't."

 

* * *

 

"Don't do it. Don't you dare. Don't waste your life _taking care of me_." The raging fear gave energy to his muscles, and he stood up, went a few steps away from her, but the last bit he said as a prayer.  
  
It scared him. It frightened him. That she would jump with him into the deepest hole.  
  
But their hands were already so entangled!  
  
He let out an exasperate sigh. His shoulders low, his eyes in pain. "Would you really want to stay by my side through all of this crazy crap?"  
  
Would she? Would she _want_ to?  
  
Could she really overcome the problems they would certainly face? "Yes."  
  
A tired sigh.  
  
"Out of pity?"  
  
Was it pity? Or was it compassion?  
  
She shrugged as if the answer was too obvious. "Out of love, Stefan."  
  
He sit. Then started to ramble like a crazy man, desperate to let out the words, to explain himself.  
  
And to hear her say "yes" again.  
  
"It may be harder than it seems. They're screaming things inside my head all the time. I'm not always strong enough to keep them away-"  
  
As if it needed saying. The whole time, since she's found him, she could _see_ , in the way he moved his body, his face, his eyes, that he was fighting such a mental battle.  
  
Like a crazy man.  
  
"I'll help you. Give you nice thoughts, and good memories."  
  
He looked away from her, to the forest. And even though his face and his voice were stronger, his posture was still so oddly small.  
  
"Relationships are not made just of good memories, Caroline. They'll win, eventually."  
  
She took his hand without noticing. Spoke a little louder.  
  
"They won't."  
  
Again, the dimples on the side of his face. They grew larger, his pupils wilder, lips parted, some teeth showed.  
  
How could it be hard when his face would open up like this just for her?  
  
"I mean, isn't this what a relationship is? You have some sides I won't like, I have mine. We'll just deal with it in time."  
  
Squeezed his hand, pumped his shoulder with hers. Faces so close.  
  
"Okay?"  
  
He kissed her cheek.  
  
Not in the 4th-grade-stolen-kiss kind of way, but calmly, slowly, like he had the whole time of the world to just move his head to touch her cheek with his lips.  
  
It felt like a jar of water had overflowed inside her chest. She turned to face him. Her nose collided with his, then cheeks, then mouths.  
  
As if their hearts couldn't mingle more.  
  
To be honest, when she looked at him again, face so close he was all green-eyes-and-dimples, he still seemed like a crazy man fighting thousands of mind battles at once.  
  
But the glint was there again. It stood longer. His smile the wildest.  
  
Then came the weird thought.  
  
_She was so lost._  
  
And it made her smile, too.

**Author's Note:**

> *shrugs* Idk, the end is a bit weird;  
> And if you want, I'm on [tumblr](https://a-good-finder.tumblr.com), and it'd be nice to talk about whatever :)


End file.
